I’ve never been someone with an addictive personality. Alcohol? Drugs? Gambling? Sex? I can enjoy all of them in moderation without feeling a tug to use them to fulfill me. But I am dismayed by my increasingly toxic relationship to my phone, especially as it relates to social media. I’ve long said I only stayed online for the purpose of marketing my small business, but my screen time report belies this.
When I think about leaving my account, I actually feel sort of panicked. Which is why I have to leave. It’s taking away more than it is giving me.
My heart has been calling me to step away from my screens and I have been ignoring that call. I have met some of the loveliest people online. I have laughed at so many cat videos. I have helped support people I love by sharing and promoting their small businesses. I have learned so many interesting and fascinating things.
I’m not planning to close my account. I’ll keep my Instagram story alive as long as it continues to feel doable and enjoyable (shout out to Izzie, Mark, Casey, Erin, and Lauren for sending me all the right posts to share; they curate the internet so I don’t have to and I am beyond thankful for it). I have been editing/rewriting some of my favorite pieces since 2016 and will use these on my weekly newsletter (DM me your email if you want to be added). You can also read these each week on Facebook by following WinCity Voices.
But for now, I need a break. My writing is feeling more and more like creating content (barf), which means I have nothing of true value to offer anyone. Too much time peeking into the lives of others only leaves me feeling emptier about mine.
I want to be a better human and writer and mother and wife and dog snuggler and cat ear scratcher and guitarist and yoga teacher and citizen of the world. I want to read more books and take more walks and travel and laugh and eat delicious meals and write just for me and not worry about taking photos so I can post later. The person I truly want to become requires attention and wonder and these platforms steal that from me.
I turn 50 on August 10, the same day I celebrate my 27th wedding anniversary and almost exactly 2 months before Izzie moves to Nashville. I want to spend the summer completely present to the moment as the moment is happening.
Thanks to all who have read and commented on my posts. It’s not goodbye forever. Just bye for now.