I recently had an ugly political debate with a close friend. She voiced her opinion about a certain social issue and I reacted with shock and anger, immediately trying to cajole or shame her into seeing my (the “right”) point of view. We were yelling, talking at each other instead of to each other. Neither of us heard what the other was saying, nor did either of us sway the other’s thinking. I left the discussion in actual tears, sick to my stomach with righteous indignation.
It stayed with me for days. I was mad and upset every time I thought about it. After some reflection, I realized I was just as much, and possibly more, to blame for the argument. After all, our tribe motto is, “You do you; I’ll do me”. It’s a vow that we will always celebrate each other; always lift each other up without judgment. It’s an acknowledgment that we are on different paths and we will have different ideas about how to live a conscious existence. I did not uphold this tacit agreement. Who was I to judge her path?
As I thought about it, I realized I owed her an apology, which she openly accepted, as she is a loving friend and not someone who holds onto resentment or anger. But I kept thinking about why it bothered me so much. A few days later, I was taking a walk and listening to The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein. She was talking about Yogi Bhajan, the spiritual teacher who introduced Kundalini yoga to the U.S. One of his sutras, or life lessons, is this:
Recognize that the other person is you.
What if we looked past the rhetoric, looked deeper than the dogma? How would our lives change if we assumed that everyone wants the same basic things out of life? That every single person on the planet simply wants to love and be loved? That they want what is best for their families?
Could we gain personal peace and freedom if we assumed that everyone we met was doing the best they can with their current level of consciousness?
This assumption won’t change the viewpoints of others. But it will change us in the best way, freeing us from the judgment and negativity that is bringing us collectively down.
Every great spiritual faith encourages us to love our neighbor. That’s not so easy to do when our neighbor seems to thumb his nose at the personal views you hold so dearly. Human beings disagree on how to achieve our best life. Far too many people make decisions based in fear instead of love, letting their scared inner child act out, and never evolving into a person that makes decisions based in love.
So how can we maintain a relationship with someone who we perceive as difficult or wrong-minded? Try using the STOP model for compassionate communication when dealing with someone you perceive as mistaken or challenging:
Stop what you’re doing and be mindful
Take 3 slow, deep breaths
Observe your body sensations
Proceed only when you can do so with a loving, compassion mindset
In this way, you can respond rather than react. And you can let go of your judgments and perceptions to connect to the similarities between you rather than the differences. Remember that the other person is you.
So this week, as you cast your vote, also cast a prayer into the Universe. Ask that we all be loved and that love becomes the default decision-making setting for everyone who votes, as well as those we elect.
