It’s the time of year when we’re all looking towards the future. There’s a general feeling of hope and optimism. While there’s nothing truly mystical about January, it’s a perfect time to reflect on how you crushed it in 2015 and how some areas of your life might benefit from some modification in 2016. Roughly 1 out of every 3 Americans set a resolution each year. Leading a present, mindful life lends itself to contemplation around self-improvement. Sometimes it’s a change we need to make-like for our health, and sometimes it’s a change our heart just feels drawn to-like that small voice inside that keeps telling us to discover a new language or take piano lessons or learn to bake lemon cupcakes or…
In 2016, the Smith Family has some major home renovations happening. We need a new roof, siding, windows, and floors. So, you know, basically just the entire domestic container! It is also the year we celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. What does one have to do with the other? Construction costs means that our dream trip to Napa Valley-the one we’ve spent 6 years saving for-isn’t gonna happen. Our new goal is paying for the repairs. And it’s taken me some time to wrap my heart around this end. Until I really wanted this goal, it had no success of being met.
And I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in feeling ambivalent about change. For all the good intentions, very few of us truly meet our goals. Why is this and how can we improve our odds of changing our lives for the better? For me, it comes down to three considerations:
- Finding your motivation
- Turning No into Yes
- Making a plan, but keeping it real
Finding your Motivation
Before starting this transformative journey, you should be very clear on exactly what your intention is. It’s easier to rise to a challenge when you understand exactly why you want to reach that goal. What is your why? If your why is large enough, the how comes easier. It takes a bit of soul-searching. Let’s say you want to lose weight, the number one resolution every year. What does that look like to you? Picture yourself feeling more vibrant. Focus on the beautiful colors of fruits and vegetables. Envision yourself completing the 5K. Frame your why within a positive framework. There’s got to be something rewarding in it, or you simply won’t do it. Your goal should bring you true (and lasting) happiness, joy, and peace. Looking great in a swimsuit for a mid-winter trip won’t ignite the soul motivation that finding badass health and wholeness all year long will.
This also means your why must come from YOU, as opposed to your doctor or your spouse. If you’re trying to change because you feel you should, it’s going to be much harder than because you want to. What do you really want? This is why I had to let Wine Country go and focus on taking care of the home I love so dearly. Once I wanted it as much as I knew it needed to happen, the implemented changes have been far less painful.
Do you feel called to improve your life, but can’t articulate the exact changes you want to make? Meditation, journaling, and vision boarding can help you clarify your why. So can talking it out with a trusted friend; sometimes another perspective can help shine a light on your truth. This also creates a built-in accountability and support system.
Turning No into Yes
I think the biggest obstacle in making change is a feeling that our change will leave us in a place of want or loss. We see our changes through the filter of what we’re giving up or losing instead of what we are gaining. We make cold statements that start, “I will not…” Ugh! These statements arise from a place of guilt-ridden, joyless deprivation and they will not work in the long run. I spent too much time thinking about the trip I was missing instead of shifting my attention to beautifying my home.
If our power follows our attention, then we must find the joy in our resolutions. If we state our purpose through a negative filter, we are not fully investing in that goal. Let the law of attraction work for you! If we think awesomely, we invite more awesome into our lives.
Read the three resolutions and see what response each invokes in your heart:
“I will not buy a new car this year” versus “I am saving for my son’s college education”
“I will stop biting my nails” versus “I will work on appreciating my beautiful hands”
“I will not eat any sugar or drink coffee for 12 weeks” versus “water and good, clean foods help me shine”
See what I mean? Shifting our focus to a positive completely shifts the energy of our resolution into all that we gain.
Making a Plan, but Keeping it Real
Keeping it real means implementing small, realistic, attainable changes instead of huge, sweeping transformations. Our goals must leave leeway for the inevitable ebb and flow of life. Design routines that support the natural rhythms of your life.
When David mentioned the amount of money all the construction would cost, I literally got nauseous. If I focus just on this number, I’m going to feel so overwhelmed I’ll give up. It’s hard to see that number as doable. I instead need to focus on channeling my inner-Suze Orman, looking for small ways every day I can save money. I decided where I was willing to be thrifty and wrote out my plan:
Where I’ll spend:
- buying local & organic food, as it’s my physical medicine
- kindle books & audible downloads, as these are my soul’s medicine
- buying meaningful gifts for others, as this sparks my feelings of abundance
- experiences over things (like live music & broadway shows with Izzie)
Where I’ll save:
- no impulse clothing purchases for myself or Izzie; if I want something, I wait three days before buying to really consider how much I need it
- remove 2 unnecessary items from my Target basket before checking out
- get rid of Direct TV (waiting for Game of Thrones on DVD will be hard, but can teach me patience)
- offer an extra teacher training module (give up my time in trade for windows that don’t leak)
My plan is not so extreme that I feel daunted by it, but gives me parameters around which to work. Writing down what you expect of yourself should feel freeing; it should excite you to get started! If it feels undoable when you read it, it needs revision. It should push you slightly out of your comfort zone, but not out into the stratosphere. When it feels right in your heart, share your plan with people who love you; their support can help keep you accountable.
Unhealthy behaviors develop over time, so replacing those behaviors with healthy ones requires time and patience as well. Be prepared to give yourself a break. Keeping it real means you’ll never be perfect. Give yourself the time and space needed to adjust to your new lifestyle, and compassionate forgiveness when you fall off track. Celebrate when you win and lovingly move on when you don’t. Now get out there and crush it!
