Yesterday, I was sitting at a red light behind a Toyota Camry with a bumper sticker proclaiming it was the Same Shit, Different Day.
As the story goes, Sisyphus was a deceitful con man whose trickery angered the gods. As punishment, Sisyphus was condemned to roll a massive boulder up a steep hill, only for it to roll back down every time he reached the top. This task was to be repeated for eternity, a punishment epitomizing monotony and futility.
Yet, if we believe Albert Camus, Sisyphus was happy anyway, because “the struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart.” After eons of feeling despair focusing on a goal he would not – could not – ever meet, Sisyphus decided to simply pay attention to what was in front of him.
I’ve spent a lot of time lately feeling despair for our world. My sense of justice and fairness tells me that virtue will be rewarded, and evil will be punished. But there is how I want the world to be and then there is how the world actually is. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. Alanis Morrisette tells me it’s ironic, but mostly I just feel enraged. Because I can’t make sense of any of it.
Camus reminds me that I can’t understand because none of it is understandable. He was a real cheerleader for living life for its own sake without wasting too much time looking for the meaning behind it. Life is absurd, he postulated, and meaningless is woven into the fabric of existence. Doesn’t mean we can’t have a good time while we’re here. Just focus on the rock and get on with it.
So that’s what I’ve decided to do. When I let my mental stage get too big, I feel small and useless. What sweeping changes can I make in regard to climate change, Trump’s erratic decision-making, or wars taking place across the globe? It feels like the end of the world.
But when I focus on the rock right in front of me? Those same rocks can give abundant joy and hope and compassion. My rocks are friends and pickleball and dogs and soup and Taylor Swift and a new Stephen King novel and tacos and yoga poses and jigsaw puzzles and videos where ducks and kittens become best friends. My rocks are Wordles and red-tailed hawks and hot baths and new episodes of Abbott Elementary and old episodes of Arrested Development and fuzzy blankets and True Crime podcasts and Sam Cooke and a TBR stack as high as my waist.
And I can use these things to help me show up as my favorite self to be a light for those I encounter throughout my day. Like most of us, I have little to no power on a grand stage. But I can focus on my rocks, push my boulder and get on with it.
